Stronger together

To be a true friend isn't just about being present, it's about being loyal, honest, accepting, and above all, to love and be loved, without envy or malice.

I am glad to say I am so lucky to have a few people who fit all of the above. But this particular blog is dedicated to my long term friend Jenny who suffered sudden hearing loss and tinnitus and my soul sister Lisa who is partially deaf due to Cholesteatoma which ate away at her hearing bones, eardrum and worked its way up her brain.

Lisa has now had ear reconstruction, a skin graft for a new eardrum and a titanium rod of some sort in her head. 

Here's my lovely soul sister who has suffered greatly and still does. 

Distance could never destroy the forever bond we have, and that is a massive achievement in itself.

Here's Jenny 

To all the truly amazing best friends of the world - you are so loved! 

If you are making your bestie cry with laughter, dancing with her like a fool or making jokes that only the two of you could get, you've already won the lottery of friendship!

While hearing loss can make you feel alone in the world, not many people understand exactly what you’re going through – Deaf / Hard of hearing people suffer immensely. Although you experience it alone, your hearing loss can affect all of your relationships.  I often wonder if when someone in the family has hearing loss, the whole family has a hearing problem!  Don’t underestimate the impact of hearing loss on your spouse or partner. Often, both halves of a couple will report frustration, a sense of isolation, and resentment toward their partner. These negative ramifications can also occur when someone also suffers from tinnitus.

However, you don’t have to let a hearing loss or tinnitus damage your relationships. If you and your partner support one another, keep the lines of communication open and seek out treatment from an experienced audiologist, you can preserve and perhaps even strengthen your relationship despite the impact of hearing loss.

THE IMPACT OF HEARING LOSS AND TINNITUS ON RELATIONSHIPS

According to a 2009 British study that surveyed 1,500 people with hearing loss, 44 per cent reported that their hearing loss had caused their relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners to suffer. Hearing loss may affect your relationships in one or all of the following ways:

Decrease in quality communication

Provoke arguments between partners

Reduce the couple’s ability to enjoy favourite pastimes

Strain a couple financially

Cause the caretaker to resent their partner

Give rise to loneliness

Cause the couple to withdraw socially

Decrease intimate conversations and casual humour

Is Hearing Loss Is the Silent Killer of Relationships?

 I can describe the impact of hearing loss on my relationship with friends, day to day interaction with people, colleagues, neighbours and family. I’m serious when I say that conversation becomes a scary thing to those around you. communication consisted of shouting, parties were no longer fun, the volume of the TV became a major source of discord.  Many seemingly small things add up quickly in these situations, creating a wall in a previously harmonious relationship.

Hearing loss isn’t alone in its ability to threaten happy couples or any sort of relationship... tinnitus can hurt relationships too in a variety of ways as well. This shouldn’t come as a surprise when you consider how drastically tinnitus can affect your life in many ways. Tinnitus can increase your stress levels, reduce your ability to concentrate, drain your energy, lower your libido, sleep deprivation and make it difficult to enjoy the things you once loved – including your romantic partner. Some believe that tinnitus-related stress is most detrimental to their relationships, while others cite their partner’s lack of understanding and compassion. It doesn’t help that tinnitus (like hearing loss) is not a visible health condition/disability so it doesn’t naturally spark an empathetic response in the same way that a wheelchair or a crutch might.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

The number of British adults (ages 20 or older) with hearing loss is expected to increase by 30 million (8 per cent) from 2020 to 2060. So if you aren’t currently experiencing the impact of hearing loss in one way or another, you likely will be soon – if not through personal experience than through a friend or family member. To mitigate the adverse effects of hearing loss on your relationships, focus on communication, compassion, independence, and treatment. 

TREASURE YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE

Communication is the cornerstone of a solid relationship. If you and your partner cannot openly discuss how hearing loss affects your relationship, your silence may breed frustration and anger. Without a solid bridge of communication, both you and your partner may feel lonely, isolated, unsupported, and unheard. So instead of bottling up your worries and frustrations, share them. Reflect on your experience with hearing loss, listening to one another and acknowledging the difficulties.

Don’t underestimate relatively brief communication either. While intimate discussions are important in a relationship, so are little jokes and brief updates. The little things mean a lot in the long run and can help strengthen a couple’s connection.

EXERCISE COMPASSION

Whether you or your loved one live with hearing loss or tinnitus, develop compassion to better understand your partner and acknowledge their frustrations.

Take a moment to think about how your health condition affects the people around you. It may feel as if you’re the only one struggling, but your struggle rubs off on everyone around you. You are putting your relationships at risk. Consider how your battle with hearing loss has rubbed off on your partner, friends, and family members. Have you limited the quality time you spend with them? Have you grown reliant on your partners' help? Do you annoy your partner by turning up the volume too loud on the radio? Instead of viewing hearing loss as something that you’re dealing with, think of it as something you’re both working through together.

If your partner suffers from hearing loss, try wearing earplugs for a day to put yourself in his or her shoes. You might think you know how hearing loss affects many aspects of day-to-day life, but do you? Not only is it difficult to hear another person speak, but you won’t be able to enjoy sounds in the same way and you may feel unsafe because you can’t fully hear important sound cues. Especially in conversation, hearing loss doesn’t just muffle volume; it also dampens details. When you lose the nuances of a conversation (tone, intonation, subtle vocalisations), it’s difficult to carry on a pleasant and engaging discussion.

In addition, remember that there is a lot more to hearing loss than simply struggling to hear sounds. The impact of hearing loss can cause the person to feel frustrated, embarrassed, depressed, or even angry. Imagine constantly feeling the need to turn up the volume on the TV, to ask people to repeat themselves, and to pretend that everything is okay. If you struggle with the experiment of wearing earplugs for one day (or perhaps even a few hours), just imagine what it’s like to have hearing loss 24/7.

FOSTER INDEPENDENCE

If your partner suffers from hearing loss, you may have been tempted at one time or another to “help” them by giving in to their demands. Or when your hard-of-hearing partner encounters a problem, you might step in and attempt to cover it up. Against your better judgment, you might find yourself doing the following:

Repeating yourself constantly

Interpreting missed messages

“Filling in the gaps” that your partner doesn’t hear

Making phone calls for your partner

Allowing your partner to turn up the volume on the TV until it’s blaring

Agreeing to avoid social situations that cause your partner distress

Agreeing that you mumble or speak softly when you know that isn’t true

Reassuring your partner that he or she doesn’t need treatment

Refusing to acknowledge that your partner suffers from hearing loss

While these may seem like innocent favours, over time they can cause your partner to rely on you. In your quest to help the person you love, you may be hurting them by promoting co-dependence. Although it can be hard to deny your loved one something they want, remember that encouraging co-dependence will not fix the underlying problem. It may cause your loved one to delay seeking out much-needed treatment.

Finally, by giving in to your partners' demands, you may experience resentment and anger toward your partner. It’s exhausting to be someone else’s ears. By breaking the cycle of co-dependence, you can help your loved one confront and treat the core issue. Change isn’t easy, but it will be worth it.

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP

Luckily, there is hope for couples dealing with the impact of hearing loss. Professional medical interventions (namely, hearing aids) can often drastically improve both partners’ the deaf and their hearing partners' quality of life. Tinnitus, which can often be treated through a combination of technology and therapy.

Don’t let the stigma of hearing loss or tinnitus hold you back. Following treatment, your relationship could blossom again. You could enhance your communication, your social engagement, and your relationship satisfaction in one fell swoop. Overnight, your lives could change.

 After months or perhaps even years of frustration, you may be able to enjoy things you previously found exasperating – movie theatres, parties, loud restaurants, concerts, and more.

Here's me with my new deaf card #Deafproud

Here are some very useful links: 

https://www.nadp.org.uk/

https://rnid.org.uk/

https://www.tinnitus.org.uk/

https://bda.org.uk/

Love to all 💚 AK

 

If you have any questions fire away 😉